christmas present

The Christmas Present Formula

This week I’ve been compiling my Christmas lists. With the Coca-Cola advert having graced our screens for a good week or two and Michael Buble making his annual appearance for the sake of his career, Christmas is definitely on its way.

Of course, compiling a Christmas list of wishes and wants is as important as compiling your lists for what to buy your family and friends. Come the end of November, I like to sit down and write down anything and everything I desire for Christmas in anticipation of some lovely gifts under my tree. This is for one major reason- men are generally crap at presents. This notion was proved entirely when, for my first anniversary with my partner, I received a mouse mat of the London tube map and a card that read ‘To the one I love at Christmas’ (despite it being the middle of February.) Needless to say, the next day I was appeased with a slap-up meal and the biggest bunch of flowers I’d ever seen.

I’m not saying my boyfriend is a terrible gift buyer. Last year, I received a mountain of presents under the tree that I’m sure wouldn’t look out of place in a John Lewis advert. (Granted, he’d begged my Mum to wrap them for him, but you cant have it all.) I am aware, however, that sometimes men just need a helping hand.

Here is where the secret lies. There is one simple formula that provides the secret to a happy wife/girlfriend/mother on Christmas day. My Dad taught me this from a young age, usually on our day-before-Christmas-eve panic dashes to the shops. Perfume+jewellery+electrical item= happy woman. It might seem simple, but it works. That said; follow the formula with as much common sense as you can muster. Take heed. Be careful in regards to the perfume. A good scent generally defines itself as anything from a reputable store that appears classy and doesn’t smell like someone’s Nan and Charlie Girl probably shouldn’t be used on any female over the age of fifteen.

When purchasing jewellery, avoid anything that is likely to make your partner’s neck a horrid shade of green by the time New Year’s Day comes around. Also, if buying a ring, avoid any unnecessary embarrassment by outlining exactly what it signifies. You might buy it because it is pretty, but the first thing on her mind on opening that box will be of the two of you waltzing down the aisle. A quick “It’s not what you think it is!” should eliminate any high hopes and uncomfortable disagreements.

Electrical items are also tricky. Something hair-related is a safe bet, whilst a bikini trimmer is perhaps a little unromantic. For my twenty-first birthday, I was bought a mini-blender. Thankfully, it was a joke. However, had I not seen the funny side, the only thing I would have been blending would be one of my boyfriend’s limbs.

So, there we have it. The perfect Christmas gift combination. Follow that formula, and you’ll have a happy lady. Now all you have to do is survive Christmas day with your mother-in-law.

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